29th of Heartfire, 4E 201
Nope. Not doing it.
That was my overriding thought this morning. A part of me wanted to head for this ‘High Hrothgar’ place. It was the closest I’d come to finally getting the answers I’d been looking for, after all. These ‘Greybeards’ seemed like the people who would know what was happening to me, and why my own people wanted to hurt me.
Another part of me didn’t want to poke that bee hive. What was it Frosysch used to say? “Never go near a Nord settlement unless you’re ready for Nords to come out”? Something like that, anyway. I was headed towards something, I felt, and I wasn’t sure if I was prepared for what it might be. I’m just me. I don’t know what this ‘dragon-born’ business is about, and I’m not sure if I want to know. Maybe ignorance is for the best?
That part of me was the strongest part of the two in the end, so I spent much of the morning in the Bannered Mare with Meeko. And Lydia, who was still standing around. It’s odd having somebody besides Meeko with me, especially somebody who seems so dedicated to my safety. I asked if she’d been awake all night; she said she’d taken naps “when it was safe to do so”. I didn’t understand why she would care! Maybe if I told her who I really was she’d change her mind, I thought.
After breakfast, I studied the giant axe that Jarl Balgruuf had given me yesterday. It was definitely an intricate weapon, and it seemed to be enchanted, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with it. The thing is huge, not to mention heavy! It’s as long as I am tall! How would that work with my mysterious skills?
I had bigger concerns, of course. Determined to not do anything productive if I could help it, Meeko and I went for a walk around Whiterun. Lydia insisted on accompanying me. She’s very keen on this ‘protecting me with her life’ thing. I’ll admit to having still been curious about her, and perhaps a little flattered by her odd devotion, so I didn’t argue. Maybe we could even become friends?
Whiterun is a lovely town. I’ve not really looked at it properly before – I’ve been too busy running around after stone tablets, and rushing off to fight dragons, to really spend much time here. The buildings aren’t as grand and imposing as those in Solitude, being smaller and made of wood as they are, but there’re all decorated with intricate carvings and nice little curly flourishes here and there.
After spending some time in the market, I moved up the stone stairs to the next area of the town. We emerged into an open area, the one centred around a huge tree. It looked dead, on closer inspection, but that could just be a seasonal thing. I like that at least some Nords have an appreciation for nature. Lydia followed behind me the entire time, seemingly keeping a vigil for anybody who might attack me. I was about to tell her to calm down a bit when I heard some raised voices.
Two Redguards were having an argument, just to the side of the circular area around the tree. It sounded like they were married; the man wanted to retrieve a stolen sword, but his wife didn’t want him to go. She was pretty adamant about it too – she warned him that if he stepped outside of the city, she’d be gone by the time he got back!
Lydia said she knew them; the man was called Amren, and the woman’s name was Saffir. Apparently they were always fighting about something or another. Still, finding a stolen sword sounded like just the distraction I needed at that time. I didn’t have the patience for another ‘day off’!
I approached Amren and asked what they’d been fighting about. He told me that bandits had run off with his family sword, and were hiding somewhere near Whiterun. I didn’t really understand how a sword could be part of anybody’s family, but I shrugged and offered to find it for him. It would feel good to go on a simple errand again, I felt.
I’m not sure when I started thinking of ‘retrieving stolen swords from bandit hideouts’ as being a simple errand, incidentally. Perhaps it started after I killed an Azura-damned dragon? Or defeating legions of undead minions in the service of a long-dead Nord queen? Who knows! But, that’s a thought for another day.
The spot he showed me on the map, somewhere called White River Watch, didn’t look to be very far from Whiterun, and Lydia said she knew where it was. We quickly returned to the Bannered Mare to collect my weapons, and we headed out.
The weather was as lovely as it had been yesterday. I could feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, and it felt so good. After all the snow and rain I’d endured, I was relieved to be basking in heat for a change! The road was clear, though I could hear the guards we passed muttering about dragon attacks. They were all quite nervous now, which was understandable I suppose.
Lydia led the way, given that she knew where the place was. I was curious to see how well she could fight; she must be pretty good if the Jarl of Whiterun had appointed her to guard a ‘person of great importance’, after all. I still couldn’t believe that’s how the Nords thought of me now. It was almost as unbelievable as the dragon business! Meeko kept sniffing at her heels as she ran, clearly unsure what to make of this new addition to our group.
We crossed a bridge and turned left, but we didn’t follow the road far before Lydia stopped and pointed at a dirt trail that led up towards the base of the mountains that towered ahead of us. She used her other hand to place a finger across her lips, a gesture I now know to mean ‘be quiet’.
Oops.
I asked her what was wrong, and rather than receiving a reply from Lydia, I heard somebody from above say “huh? Who said that?” Meeko then barked, to make matters worse. I pulled Dawnbreaker out to meet the two bandits that were now alerted to our presence. Lydia followed suit, though she really didn’t need to.
I decided to try that “fus” thing again as I ran neared the first bandit at the top of the incline. I still wasn’t sure if it had been me or not, or if I could do it on purpose whenever I wanted, but sure enough – I thought about “fus”, spoke the word, and a wave of blue energy blasted the bandit, halting him in his tracks and knocking him backwards a bit. He was staggered just long enough for Dawnbreaker to do her work.
I was surprised. It had frightened me when I did it by accident yesterday, when simply saying a word could cause such a power to manifest, but using it today proved useful – the bandit didn’t even have the chance to fight back! Maybe I was worried over nothing?
It even had the added bonus of surprising the other bandit, who was unprepared when I finished with her friend and twirled around to slash at her belly. Lydia had only just reached the top of the hill by the time I’d dispatched both bandits. She seemed impressed; “now that’s how it’s done!” she said after a stunned pause.
“This is why I don’t need a protector, Lydia!” Well, I thought about saying that, but I didn’t.
There was a cave entrance by a wooden platform, and we all went inside. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, and before they did I heard a man’s voice.
“Eh? Who’s there? Is that you, Rodulf?”
I froze in place. As my eyes were finally able to see, I saw an old, bald Nord sitting in a chair not far in front of us. He was looking right at me, but… he didn’t seem to see me. Was he blind? He must have been, if he thought I was one of his bandit friends!
Now, I don’t have the deepest of voices. If you ever met me, I doubt you’d think of me as intimidating in any way. And I’m pretty sure that Rodulf is a Nord man’s name, pretty much the opposite of… well, me. But I didn’t have much to lose at that point – it was worth a try…
In the deepest, gruffest tone my high-pitched voice could manage, while simultaneously trying desperately to hide my thick, lyrical Reachwoman accent to absolutely no avail, I said: “yes, it’s me”. I deliberately chose a sentence with no ‘L’s in it, as my pronouncing those would have given the game up right away. Then, I waited for the inevitable fight. With a blind man.
“Boss was looking for you, said he’d be up at the summit,” the old man replied! “Better not keep him waiting.”
I couldn’t believe that had worked! Was he deaf too? No, he couldn’t be, or he wouldn’t have heard me at all. Stupid, then? I looked back at Lydia and shrugged, and she shrugged right back. I decided not to press my luck and said nothing further, and simply nodded – for some reason – at the blind man as we walked by.
Even Meeko’s bark didn’t clue him in! Perhaps Rodulf had a dog too? I hoped the rest of the bandits in here were as stupid – our job would be much easier. Alas, they weren’t.
We followed the caves up a ramp. I kept stopping to pick some mushrooms that were growing all over the place. As an ex cave girl, you see, I know mushrooms, and I know they’re valuable for alchemy! And also delicious in a stew. So I picked them wherever I found them.
The chest with a bag of 55 gold coins wasn’t too bad, either. I always feel a bit uneasy about taking gold from bandits, as I have to wonder – haven’t they stolen this from someone else? Should I be trying to find the original owner? But then I remind myself that I’m sure the original owner would rather I have it than the bandits.
As we rounded a corner I stopped and dropped down to a crouch, looking back at Lydia and mimicking her ‘finger over mouth’ gesture. I was pretending like I knew what it meant all along, of course, but I don’t think she believed me. I could hear voices ahead; a couple of bandits were plotting something. They were stood together at the top of a natural stone ramp ahead of us. It seemed as though they knew that the blind man at the front was a useless guard, and they were planning to kill him – tonight.
Well, you’re welcome, blind man – I’ve saved your life! I pulled out my bow and delivered a killing arrow to the nearest bandit. The second pulled out his sword when he saw his friend fall to the ground, but I quickly delivered another arrow right to his head, and he soon joined him.
I stood up and slung my bow over my back again, and walked up the stone ramp towards where the two bandits had been standing. Unfortunately I’d missed one, it seemed – Lydia shouted “look out!” from below, and I turned to see a third man running towards me, sword at the ready. I quickly pulled Dawnbreaker out and stepped backwards a pace or two, thrusting forwards at the same time. His sword missed me, and his own momentum helped to impale him onto my own.
Lydia complimented me again, saying she was very impressed. She asked me where I’d trained, but I didn’t know how to answer her – I just told her that I was self-taught. I’m not sure if she believed me, and I don’t like telling lies, but it’s sort-of true. For all I know, anyway.
There wasn’t much of interest to be found when I stopped to look around, at any rate. There was another chest further up into the caves, though it only had a handful of coins inside. I did pick a few more mushrooms though. I’d be rolling in potions by the time I was done with these!
As we went up another ramp and turned right, the passages opened up into a wide, circular, tall cavern, with a wide ramp spiralling all the way along the walls to the top. I dropped down again as I saw some more bandits in there; two of them were at ground level, talking to each other, while a third, shirtless Nord stood higher up on the ramp, watching over the place. He didn’t see me.
Two bandits at ground level were talking about training a wolf to fight for them, but the male one didn’t think he could train it because it was ‘half-starved’. How awful! Keeping the poor creature captive was bad enough, but starving it too? Why? Surely that just makes it dangerous to you as well!
I could see the wolf in a locked cage just to the left of the bandits. Ahead of me, though, I could also see a pull chain on the wall. Surely not! Surely that wouldn’t open the wolf’s cage, I thought. Could they really have been so stupid?
I asked Hircine to aid the wolf in its hunt, and quietly pulled the chain. I wasn’t really sure if it would actually open the cage, but I was pleased when it did so and the wolf tore out of his prison, and went right for the bandits who’d tortured him so.
While they were distracted by the wolf, which had sunk its teeth into the woman’s legs, I pulled out my bow and took aim at the bandit above us first. He tumbled down the ramp after my arrow hit him squarely in the chest. By that point Lydia had run ahead, with Meeko right behind her, and engaged the male bandit in battle. Unfortunately I was too late to save the wolf – the woman he’d grabbed managed to stick him in the neck with her dagger, and the poor beast fell down dead.
She followed the creature, though – my arrow hit her in the back, knocking her forwards and down to the ground. At the same time, Lydia managed to deliver a series of slashes across the remaining bandit’s exposed areas, before using her shield to violently knock him to the ground. Then she sank her blade, point-first, into his chest. She was actually quite a good fighter – the bandit stood no chance!
We nodded to each other, and followed the stone ramp up. The blind man had said that ‘the boss’ was waiting for ‘me’ at the ‘summit’, so I figured that ‘up’ was good. I hadn’t seen any trace of Amren’s sword yet, so I decided that it must be with this ‘boss’ of theirs. The spiralling ramp turned off to the right and into a narrower passageway, which led towards daylight.
We emerged outside, my eyes once more struggling to adjust, and when they did so, I saw ‘the boss’. He was enormous! Bigger than Lydia, even! He was decked out in heavy steel armour, with a horn-adorned helmet that reminded me of those draugr ‘deathlords’ that had caused me so much trouble, and he carried an enormous warhammer. He stood up and turned to look at me. Apparently, I wasn’t going to “leave this place alive”!
Did he know that I’d fought a dragon yesterday? And won?! No, I don’t suppose he did, actually. I pulled Dawnbreaker from her scabbard and hopped over the wooden railing to face him, while Lydia pulled out a bow. The ‘boss’ was a powerful fellow, but the first swing of his lumbering hammer missed me completely, cracking the stones it impacted. I’d already moved out of the way, and Dawnbreaker delivered a slash across his side as I went.
He wasn’t too happy about that, though. He roared and pulled his warhammer back up, trying to hit me with the handle as he did so. I blocked it with my blade and then ducked as he pivoted, bringing the head of the hammer around to where my head had been. It sailed over me, and I seized the moment – while he recovered from the hammer’s momentum, I grabbed his plated shoulder and forced Dawnbreaker’s point forwards, the divine blade piercing his armour entering his chest. Holy fire crackled out of the wound and, with a groan, he fell down dead.
Almost on top of me, actually – I only just moved out of the way in time to avoid him crushing me!
He didn’t seem to be carrying a sword, though. Just that hammer. I picked it up, and it was even heavier than the Axe of Whiterun! I passed it to Lydia, and asked if she could carry it for me. It was of no use to us, but it might be valuable to a smith.
In one of his satchels I also found a journal. I flicked through it, hoping it might tell me where he’d put the sword, and I was very surprised by what I read. He spoke of Eisa and Ra’jirr – the Nord lady, and her sword-stealing khajiit friend who was killed by the Pale Lady in Frostmere crypt! Apparently they’d previously run away from this place. Skyrim must be a smaller place than I thought!
In any event, I was glad we’d come here and put an end to these bandits. According to this boss’ journal, they’d been raiding travellers along the nearby road for ages, and nobody had been able to do anything about it because of the war. Hopefully the area will be a little safer from now on, thanks to us!
No mention of Amren’s sword, though. I put the journal down and sighed when I saw a giant, ornate chest just behind me, virtually staring me in the face. Lydia seemed relieved when I’d seen it, as if she’d been waiting for me to spot it. You could have told me, Lydia!
Inside, sure enough, I found Amren’s sword, just as he’d described. I also found a bag of about 200 gold coins to add to my burgeoning collection!
There was no clear way down the cliffs from all the way up there, so we all backtracked through the caves. As we passed the blind man by the entrance I wished him luck, startling him with my real voice (as if my pretend Nord man’s voice wasn’t startling). I do hope the poor fellow finds his way to somewhere better than a bandit’s cave now, with people who don’t want him dead.
We emerged back where we’d started. It was a short walk back to Whiterun, where we stopped at Adrianne’s blacksmith shop to sell the warhammer we’d collected before Lydia’s arms dropped off. She only offered 165 gold for it, but that was better than nothing, so I accepted. Besides, Lydia didn’t look happy about having to carry it around.
Finding Amren was actually surprisingly difficult. I don’t know what it is that he does all day, but I do know that it’s not shopping, praying, visiting Dragonsreach, or relaxing by the big tree. We must have walked around Whiterun a dozen times before I finally bumped into him on the streets! He was overjoyed at the return of his family sword, though. It felt nice to make somebody so happy. He was quite surprised that I’d defeated all of those bandits, too, but he still offered to teach me some new fighting techniques.
I’m not sure if there was any point to it, given my mysterious skills and all, but he wanted to do it as a thank-you, so I followed his instructions. Once he was happy that I knew the technique, we said farewell and parted ways.
It had been good to be distracted from all my problems for a while, but then I found myself with nothing left but my own thoughts once again. I wasn’t ready to be left alone with my own thoughts, though, so I immediately started looking for a new distraction!
It was too late in the afternoon to really go anywhere, so I went down to the market area. There was a store there named ‘Arcadia’s Cauldron’, which I correctly assumed to be an alchemy shop. I tried to send Lydia back to the Bannered Mare with Meeko, but she didn’t want to leave my side. Had she not seen my mysterious skills in action, or something? Oh well. I entered the shop with them.
The Imperial lady who ran the store, Arcadia, was strange. She thought I was ill, despite me insisting that I felt fine. She thought I looked pale, which I’ve decided not to take as an insult, and suggested I might need a remedy. I gave up trying to convince her there was nothing wrong with me, and asked if she would let me use her alchemy table for a while so that I could “brew my own cure”, and she was fine with that.
I spent an hour or two there experimenting with the ingredients I’d gathered, and I made a few poisons and some potions. Lydia must have been bored stiff, watching me do that, but she didn’t complain once! Meeko did, though. At one point I heard the Imperial lady shouting at him to get out from behind the counter, after he started rummaging around in her supplies – Lydia agreed to keep an eye on him for me after that.
None of it distracted me, though. How could it? Everything kept racing through my head – dragons, ‘shouting’, Druadach… it was like a waking nightmare. It wasn’t a complete waste of time, though, as I sold most of the potions I made to Arcadia, earning another few hundred gold. I was starting to get weighed down by it all at that point!
So what to do when alchemy fails to distract you from your problems? Wine, of course!
I told Lydia that I was going back to the Bannered Mare, where I was going to indulge in good food and lots of wine. I insisted to her that she join me, not as my ‘housecarl’ but as a ‘friend’. She wasn’t sure what to make of that, but she agreed.
We went to the inn, and I ordered the finest roast beef dinner they had, for both of us. Meeko was treated to some roast chicken too. Then Lydia and I shared a bottle of wine.
I talked to Lydia for hours. I don’t know why – maybe because we fought together, or perhaps because of the wine – but I started to feel like I could trust her. After she told me about her childhood in Whiterun, learning to fight from her father, and her dream of becoming a housecarl for a ‘worthy thane’, I told her about my childhood.
All of it.
It only seemed fair. She could never trust me if I was lying to her all the time, after all. So I told her who I really was, where I’d come from, and everything that had happened to me since I’d left Druadach. When I was finished, I took a deep breath, terrified about how she’d react to it all.
At first, she said it explained my ‘weird accent’. I was susprised by that, but then she added that none of it matter to her.
“I am your sword, and your shield – I’ll always have your back, my thane”, she said! She would judge me by my deeds, not my past, she told me, and that I was “honourable” so far as she could tell! She also said that it “explained where that fancy sword of (mine) came from”, which made me chuckle. I hadn’t really thought about what the Nords would think of Dawnbreaker when they saw her.
But I was so relieved. I hadn’t realised how much I’d wanted to talk to somebody about everything that had happened. Writing in here helps a bit, but… it’s not the same as really talking to someone. My journal can’t talk back to me. It can’t reassure me, or say anything to make me feel better. It’s a good listener, but a terrible talker!
We ate and drank into the night. I had so much fun! She taught me about loads of Nord customs that made no sense to me up until now, and I told her all about the different customs of my people. She also confirmed to me what I’d always expected – I should probably keep my past quiet from other people. Not everybody would be as understanding as she was.
After hearing my story, though, she d convince me of one thing – I have to go to High Hrothgar, no matter how nervous I am about it. I’ll never find peace, or figure out who I really am, or learn why I had to leave my home, until I do. There was no point hiding. I already knew all of that, really, but to hear it from someone else was reassuring. She said she’d be right beside me if I needed her.
I think I understand more about her now, and why she would choose to follow someone like me. She’s all about honour, like so many Nords, but Lydia actually means it. I’ll be proud to call her a friend, if she wishes it. Meeko likes her now, too!
I’ve insisted that Lydia get some sleep in the bed. Partly as a thank-you for being so understanding, but also as it gave me the chance to write this entry. Plus, my head is so fuzzy from the wine that I think I’ll be able to sleep in this chair without a problem!
Alyslle's Journal 